just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
