i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize
