The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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