i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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