The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
