Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
