Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
