I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
