Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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