i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
