Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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