im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
