He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
