One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
