we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
