I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
