plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
