Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
