Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
