so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
