Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
