I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
