i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
where does the pee come out of this thing
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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