i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
