Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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