I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
