Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
