So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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