We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
