I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
