I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
