You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
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