Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
3pm strippers are depressing
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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