She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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