2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
