yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
