I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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