So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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