I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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