Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
