I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
