8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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