I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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