I should be sponsored by Trojan
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You dont lie about slip and slides
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
