Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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