I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
