its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
