my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
