we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
