I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I love you. Go after that dick
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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