this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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