I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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