And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
